Hi my name is Vivian,and happy Sunday! It is my pleasure to be a guest blogger for today.
I have been battling with eczema all my life. Looking back into my early childhood years. I was in the doctor’s office often. Either I had to get a cream, I was sick, or had to get shots. I remember getting out of school early some days because I had an appointment. At that time I didn’t fully understand what was going on. Having eczema never really bothered me because I didn’t have flare-ups often. As I got older, being an adolescent, an an adult. The flare-ups got extremely bad.
From age 14-16 I had extremely severe eczema. I had it all over my arms, legs, back of neck. It would be a 100 degrees outside and I would be wearing a jacket. I felt hideous, I didn’t believe I was beautiful at all, I got extremely jealous of the girls in my school, I was insecure, I hated myself, and I thought my body hated me. I would always find ways to cover up my hands and my arms. It became so habitual, how I would use my sleeves to cover my hands, or cross my hand, and arms. It showed in my how in my interactions with people, and how I carried myself. I would become so socially awkward. I felt so trapped. this wasn’t me, this was not the person I knew. I was afraid to be honest,I was afraid to show myself, and I was afraid to show what I was dealing with.
The flare-ups kept coming on and off to the point that I always made sure I had a cream with me to keep up with any sudden flare-ups. To keep my skin consistently clear. During the “off times” I was still mentally dealing with my own insecurities and anxiety. At the back of my mind I always feared that I would get another flare at any moment. I tried hard to be perfect. To have the perfect body, the perfect skin, when in actuality there was no such thing.
At 22 I once again had a major flare-up and this time it was the worst experience of my life. The eczema spread throughout my body, it was a horrific. I experienced night sweats, scratching subconciously in my sleep, Waking up in the middle of the night itching, crying, blood on my bedsheets, dry, cracked, oozing, skin. I was extremely depressed. I didn’t want to go outside, or leave my room. I wanted to be inside all the time and cry.
These past two years was a time where I had to really look at myself in the mirror and face my fear, which was myself. I changed my diet, I discovered that food had a huge part to play into the health of my skin and my entire body. I started working out and lifting weights. Lifting weights changed my life. It was actually one of the first steps I took towards happiness. Lifting weights boosted my self-esteem and made me feel strong. I felt incredibly good after a session and I loved that feeling.
Dealing with eczema isn’t just physical pain, It effects the emotions so much. We get depressed, angry, experience self-hate. It was like being in dark place where you couldn’t get out. You start to believe that this life and this is how things are. But that is false. I hated where I was and I knew that the only way my life would change is to work on myself. No one can do it but me. I started reading books, listening to podcasts, and researching. I discovered incredible truths. Having amazing support around me has also been so helpful and I am truly blessed. What is most important is excepting myself. Everything even the things about me that I didn’t like. I can honestly say that now I do love myself. It took a lot for me to get here, but I am so happy with where I am now.
The book I recommend to read that have changed my life are:
The Power of Positive thinking by: Norman Vincent Peale
The Power of the Subconscious Mind by: Joseph Murphy
The Six Pillars of Self-esteem by: Nathaniel Branden
The Medical Medium by: Anthony Williams
I have more books,but these are the ones I have finished reading so far. They are all incredible books. I hope these will impact you all in a positive way as it has impacted me.
I have also made it a habit of listening to positive affirmations everyday; either on youtube or spotify. it has really helped change my mindset, mood and even my whole day. I started doing things and hanging around people that made me happy. All these actions have contributed to my healing. I started taking care and looking out for myself more, which boosted my self-confidence.
Just remember that if you want change it all starts with the mind. Healing is not just about our physical well-being, but our hearts are very much involved. Taking time to take care of all that makes us human, will contribute to healing.
If you want to see more about my Journey, you can follow me on Instagram @vvoxy_24